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Monday, February 25, 2008

While I was Gone

I have been so cold and insensitive, dwelling on insecurities, laziness, uneasiness, and sometimes unexplainable human nature. I have been quiet for a long time and never cared to give you my friends about what has been going on with me. I felt I have been smitten with indifference which have bogged me down for some time. My apologies again.

The reason for my absence need not be explained. It is simple but it is portentous. I hope you guys don't get sick and tired of my litanies. I just lost the fire and I needed to rest my thoughts since maintaining this blog and thinking of what to write next had been onerous. I had rather enjoyed months of mental liberation. Now I am back with a staggering zeal which I hope will last me a long time. Just in case you have been wondering, here's a quick rundown, I suppose.

Last December 2007, on a chilly and quiet evening, the cool breeze of the mountains and the misty evening greeted AJ and myself as we got off the bus. We were finally in Baguio, my beloved hometown. We had planned to celebrate the New Year at home. My two younger brothers were there with their eyes ogling earlier at the windows of the bus. When I called them, they shot me with wide grins and quickly ran up to us to help with our luggage. Their smiles and their presence eased the body ache and giddiness that took its toll on me during the 6-hour trip. We quickly managed to hail a cab and in less than twenty minutes, we were at home. I surely missed the quick trips to and fro my home in the highlands. My trips in Manila hither and thither were different. They would take me hours. I just missed Baguio, its simplicity, its serenity, its canopy of twinkling stars overhead in a tranquil night, its stormy days. Comparing it to the city which adopted me as its own and helped me survive for the past years, is a clear-cut perfidy.

The squeaking of the door made up of slabs of wood signified the reunion I had been yearning for. The longing for home was made manifest in the few knocks I so eagerly let go. She opened the door and gave a short grin. She was my mom. I knew how happy she was to see me in sight, close to her, though her usual glumly face tried to hide the yearning of a mother to her son. Homesickness is just hard to deal with. I wished I had been there before Christmas but the nature of my job deprived me to be with them during the major Holiday. Christmas was over yet I was full of excitement to celebrate the start of the New Year with them. As usual, I was with AJ who conspired with my pretension, to give me company. All the while he has been regarded as a close friend of mine, just a close friend.

Seeing my family was exhilarating. The moment my eyes lay on their countenances made my heart jump. I smoldered the yearning of hugging them, kissing them on the cheeks...We are not used to that. My siblings and I were somehow raised with indifference at home. We know how much we love each other but none has been demonstrative. We acted as if we were distant from each other. My parents never taught us what kids usually do in terms of displaying their affection and reverence to their parents. There was a short exchange of hi's and hello's and how-are-you's, and after that everybody was busy unpacking the bags and boxes containing pasalubong (gifts and presents). Being homeward bound again gave me ethereal pleasure, yet it was unthinkable to realize that my being with them would only give me ephemeral satisfaction.

AJ and I spent almost two-weeks of stay in Baguio. I was glad my boss allowed me to take a leave. The cold weather in Baguio taught us to avoid going to town for additional expenses, to survive without taking a bath, to snuggle daily in the couch while watching TV, to eat, to sleep, to rest and relax. AJ noticed the boredom and he started complaining why I didn't tour him around the city. Oh, how much he wanted to go to the Strawberry Farm.

There was no sight of the strawberry farm that took place because two days after new year, we traveled down south to witness my younger brother's wedding. It was the first time somebody among my siblings was getting married. It was exciting but it was a little scary. It was hard to put up with all the pretensions and ostentatious ceremonies, conversations, etc. Nonetheless, the wedding commenced and it ended smoothly. We took a glorious splash of water at a nearby beach before we headed back up North.

We left for Manila on the second week of January, 2008 full of a hodgepodge of memories.


TruBlue said...

Visit your mom quite often when given the chance, and sit down with her to reminisce anything, the past maybe or your early childhood. It's something I've never done for both my late mom and dad. Would be in Baguio for a few days but only spent an hour or two with them, never slept in their houses, then would disappear.
Would have learned a lot from them.
A huge mistake in my life and very regretful. Please don't do the same. Cheers to you and your family and goodhealth also.

morinn said...

I'm glad to see you back to blogging! Everyone needs those breaks in life and as you said yourself

Now I am back with a staggering zeal which I hope will last me a long time

You are here to stay! keep posting! :D


hi morinn, thanks a lot for the warm welcome, be sure to drop by your's soon^^

Malditang Pinay! said...

wow you're back, thank God for that! I love reading your stories nad one day you just pop nadaaaaaaaa gone... Anyway, welcome back so nice to see you around... keep blogging!

monaco said...

I felt like giving up blogging too sometime after the New Year, but luckily I persevered and sheer will power pushed me to continue..

god to have you back!

shiera (bisdakbabbles) said...

ah... so that's why... :)
Im just glad you're ok.
Welcome back! :D

Shannon said...

kaya pala... hehehe...

S. Hartwell Brooks said...

nice post. i go through this, too... the hermitage and isolation. but a good story in the end.

Marjie said...

well well, it's great to have you back. I hope your embracing all the goodness of hibernation. It's good sometimes, it keeps you at peace. We can all use some of that sometimes :)

again, welcome back!