RSS Feed (xml)

Powered By

Skin Design:
Free Blogger Skins

Powered by Blogger

Thursday, June 7, 2007


It's been a while. I haven't called nor texted my younger sister. The last time I heard from her was the day before the opening of classes for public schools in June. "Manong, (a vernacular term for 'older brother') have you bought my hello-kitty bag and my winx club notebooks?" That was her text message which she sent to a close friend of mine. I had to pawn my cellular phone because I ran out of money due to gambling. Upon reading her message, my friend nudged me to reply right away. I hesitated. I felt guilty, very guilty. All I could do was sigh and blame myself for not keeping my promise. I felt remorseful for I haven't bought even a single winx club notebook. You see, prior to that, she sent me another message a week in advance asking me whether I would buy her her school supplies or not. I promptly said yes knowing that my payday was on it's way. When the day came, I felt like I was very useless and I wished I didn't exist. Had I not gone gambling, I would have bought her more than she needed for her schooling. Now all I have is dream again of the next payday. I want to make up for my wrong doing and tell her that I just had to spend on something sooo important. But my innerself tells me that I should go gambling again because this time I can win and not only buy my sister's necessities for school but send extra money for my parents and brothers in Baguio who depend too much on me. Both of my parents are jobless and their decrepit selves just obstructs them from doing work for my family's livelihood. It's been more than seven years and I'm still the same obsessive-compulsive person who has not learned from his mistakes. Until when am I gonna be like this? I love my family so much but I seem to love myself and my pleasures more. I don't know what the future may bring me. My life at this point is still without direction. Please help me.....

No comments: