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Friday, June 22, 2007

Can You Blame me for Keeping it?

Now, that almost everybody knows about the real me. I can't help but muse about this decision of mine. To some of the people, it might have been a shocking-revelation. To others, well, it maybe a confirmation of the doubts they had with me. There were a lot of heard insinuations in the past. Crab-wise suggestions and mockeries that I should have been myself. Being not the only person involved, I of course had my qualms and I had to protect some people who might just be hurt or tremendously affected. Earlier in my posts, I have mentioned that none of my relatives ever supported me for who I am. When I spent my elementary years living with my aunt, my cousins knew I was feminine and that I could be gay upon growing up, unfortunately, they always told me that I should act like a man and be a man. They would always say that God did not create homo's. He only created Adam and Eve. If God did not create homo's then why am I here? Is that a tapinosis depriving me of my right to be called a child of God.? (Don't you guys rip me off my worth as a human being.)

All the while, I had learned to please everybody and to protect my family especially my dad who might end up the subject of ridicule for having a gay son like me. I knew I was gay then and wanted to reach out but nobody at that time bought that idea. Now, that I am free. I have come to realize that I lost a lot of my worth in the past. I shouldn't blame myself nor blame others. This is something I have to accept and I firmly believe this is god-given.

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