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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Homesickness and Boredom

"I'm bored." Jennifer replied as I asked her about how she felt tonight through MSN Messenger. She complained that she had been studying all day and she was just sick and tired of it. That reminded me of myself. I just can't stand boredom and I have to do something to make the time pass. No, you won't ask me to take a nap or just stay infront of my computer when there is nothing else to do. It's either I go out and meet my friends, go to the Casino, go the karaoke bar and feast on some bottles of beer. Well yeah, these could be some alternatives. But what if I don't have the money to enjoy myself? Definitely, I just have to stay at the office or at home and perhaps pity myself. Everytime I see myself in that situation, I can't wait for the next payday to arrive. Sometimes, I get the feeling that I am working for nothing. Sometimes, I have the money and most of the time, I don't. I just can't satisfy myself. Gambling has always been my favorite past time. There were times I had neglected and taken for granted my friends at the bowling place. Some of them already feel bad since I have not been showing up. I am losing my friends little by little. I also have the feeling that some of my family members particularly my sister is starting to begrudge me. I can't keep my words and promises. This is a serious disease I need some remedy with at the moment. I think the remedy is always there but I always turn my back on it.

Four months ago, I went back home and upon leaving for Manila, I told my parents that I would be back in April. We are in the last week of June but I am worried that I may not go home again at the end of this month, or perhaps next month. The main reason being is that I have no money to give my parents. What would my dad tell me again? He may start throwing me accusations that are hard to swallow. I miss my home but I am not yet ready to go home. I want to enjoy my leave application which I filed for next week but I have no money to do so. For now, I can cross my fingers that I win next weekend to turn the occurrence of worse to worst things in my life.

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