If I Die Tonight

If I die tonight, I want the world to know...

that I am gay and I am very proud of it

that I love my family more than anybody else

that I gambled most often because I wanted to give more money to my family

that I promised to send my younger brother to school but I failed because of gambling

that I am so remorseful whenever I can't afford to send money to my family

that I am an undergraduate student but I proved to be better than those with diplomas

that I would have been a better person if my parents had money to send me to school in the past

that I once had a heated argument with a trainer who said that I she is professional and I am not

that I fought with my boyfriend because he restricted me from gambling many times but I insisted

that I have tried to commit suicide because I couldn't accept myself being a gay in the past

that I am willing to lose career and friends over gambling

that I believe compulsion to gambling is a disease

that my ultimate crush is Chris Evans and Matthew Mccoughnahey(forgive the spelling)

that despite having crushes, I love my boyfriend very much for being the person who gave me inspiration, unconditional love, patience, understanding, and who accepted me for who I am