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Monday, November 26, 2007

Mine is September. Is yours, too?

I got tagged by Reyna Elena, Jeangrey and Parisukat with "One Year", I mean "Twelve Months", hihihi.

The rules are simple:

1.Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2.Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months (see below).
3.Pick your month of birth.
4.Highlight the traits that apply to you.
5.Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving a comment for them.
6.Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve done it!

I know how hard it is to be working on tags so I hope these twelve picks I am tagging may understand. Just feel free to respond if you are for it or not. Whatever it is, I won't take it against you. To be honest I myself sometimes feel reluctant in doing the tags but I have to get going as there are more sitting in piles for me. I hope guys this won't be much of a burden on you.

P.S To our fellow bloggers who have tagged me with other memes, please bear with me, yours will soon be posted here.

I was born in September.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

Careful, cautious and organized.= I maybe careful and cautious, but to be honest, I am not organized.
Likes to point out people's mistakes.= I think I am guilty of this especially during my coaching sessions with my fellow teachers. I try to be discrete though at times and I openly welcome criticisms on my part. I acknowledge my own flaws even if there are times I tend to be a perfectionist.
Likes to criticize.= This thing I can't avoid, directly or indirectly. But I make it a point not to hurt others' feelings. On second thought, unexpressed criticism is more painful to bear, it is akin to backstabbing, so when I am compelled, I try to be open to avoid worse case scenarios.
Stubborn.= I am especially when I was younger. I have managed to understand and realize my weaknesses so it's being realistic when I get stubborn at times.
Quiet but able to talk well.= Being a highlander perhaps makes me a man of quietude but I am very much talkative when I get to know the people around.
Calm and cool.= No way, I easily freak out.
Kind and Sympathetic.= I think I am. I am basically a "pusong mamon." (soft-hearted)
Concerned and Detailed.= I sometimes care less when there seems to be no direction in the thing I do and what others do. But I am a detailed person.
Does work well.= I try to but there are times I also screw up and I lose focus.
Very confident.= Not too confident. I have my comfort zones.
Sensitive.= I try to but I think it is human instinct to be sensitive, some are just inconsiderate of others and they need to be reminded.
Good memory.= Mine I think is in its depreciating mode. I am getting older.
Loves to look for information.= I choose specific needs. I have my own interests.
Must control oneself when criticizing.= I think I really must. I try not to offend other people.
Fun to be around.=I hope some people find me that way. Unfortunately, I don't appreciate how fun to be with I am as a person but I always feel happy to be with those who are.
Secretive.= I am an introvert but I am getting over it. My life is an open book to most of the people I am comfortable with.
Loves leisure and traveling.= I do but the lack of funds and resources are my greatest obstacles.
Tends to bottle up feelings.= Yes, and it's humiliating that I burst them out when I sleep. I am a somniloquist and sometimes I talk about my hidden desires for men. (LOL)

In so saying, I am tagging the following:

Awannabe of The Life of Awannabe
Cyberpunk of Cyberpunk's So-Called Life
Glenz of Finally My Journey!
Maiylah of Maiylah's Snippets
Monaco of Keyboard Monologues
Morinn of Something To Talk About
Nick of Anything Goes
Nick of Personal Paranoia
Serena of Chat 'N Chill
Shannon of Another Blogista On The Spot
Shiera of Bisdak Babbles
Sparky of A Faeriestale

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Friendship Goes On

Kuya M’s mother was working abroad at that time. The fact that he and his younger brother were given the autonomy to manage their house made it easier for me to penetrate their privacy. The same went with my friends who found refuge in that house at the most lowly times in their lives. Or we were just too young then to be governed by our whimsical impulse.

We had a friendship outside of consanguinity but our aspirations and desperations made us more than like blood-related individuals. We were under the tutelage of no less than our close friends whom we had looked up to as our own and vice versa. There were seven of us, two females and five males who kept our selves busy with budgeting, doing the household chores, maintaining our sanity through animated talks of our childhood memories, the good old days, of pop and rock music, of basketball and volleyball, and of our hopeful dreams if ever there were. Kuya M’s place witnessed the release of our quelled and smoldered anguish, desperation, and frustrations in life. That’s where we found temporary oblivion to our problems with the almost nightly fellowship with cheaply sold liquors.

Kuya M’s dad on the other hand would pay us a monthly visit with some sufficient supply of dried fish, fruits, vegetables and other stuff in spite of having to tend his other family in another city. I knew how Kuya M hated him but he was thankful they were not neglected.

Kuya M has a heart of gold. It would have been easy for him to tell us to go back to our respective homes, reunite with our families, and dine with them so tightening up his budget wouldn’t be a thing to worry but he didn’t. He and his younger brother would often fall short of their provisions because of the additional mouths to feed. But he fairly understood that we needed time to forget and recover and he was so generous enough to include us in his and his younger brother’s budget. In response to his loyal kindness and generosity, I and the others would do all the household chores, help him with his massive homework and school requirements in his third year as a Psychology Major, and sometimes do impossible things just to pinch in with our meals.

After sometime, we felt we were like real brothers and sisters living under the same roof separated by our biological parents but united by the golden friendship we still treasure until now.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Foraging For Food Before The Duck Hunt

The days faded and I had not gone home. The weeks flourished so swiftly and it witnessed the growing desperation that had been dwelling on my execrable self. I was such a loser and I let it. There were times I would go to sleep with other friends who had eloped from their homes with the disturbing thoughts of my father. He was still a habitual drunkard then and it scared me to death thinking that anytime he might just storm in Kuya M’s ( a friend and the owner of the house where I found temporary shelter and consolation) house and forcibly drag me to get back home. Nothing of that sort happened though and I took it to signify that my parents must have understood my rebellious behavior.

I was deeply hurt and the longer I stayed at Kuya M’s, the more brooding the future got envisioned in me. I wasn’t hopeless but I acted I was. My frailty gave in to the thrills my youth could offer. I started sucking in on cigarettes more than I had used to and got more exposed to the different tastes of inebriants.

In some occasions, I’d get surprised to see some of my classmates paying me a visit or two. I’d hear them asking where I was in the village and my neighbors who knew me would direct them at Kuya M’s. They’d always convince me to go back to school and that there was enough time I could still catch up by taking special exams. They were also witness of my jeremiads but they didn’t get the reciprocation they’d wanted from me. I’d tell them how the recent event in my life had ripped off the zeal and passion I once had wrought and feared I’d never step back in college again.

The life at I had at Kuya M's was not a bed of roses. Living without their parents somehow taught us to depend on each other and find means for survival. It was a give and take relationship for a certain period of time. There were days we had to support ourselves foraging for food around the village. There were open neighbors’ yards with sweet potato tops and openly wide lattice of chayote. We’d furtively scour promising targets for our next meal and sheepishly deal with the hostile looks of some neighbors. A lot of them though were generous and understanding enough to let go of our notoriety. Mostly, we’d fare on some chayote tops mixed with a small can of sardines for days. We intermittently fared on these edible greens and though jobless as we were, we miraculously survived for several weeks.

I was on the verge of giving up realizing that my pride might have worsened my situation. I thought I was ready to go back home.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Before the Duck Hunt

For several days, I had to arduously hit the books almost memorizing each page, word per word. I had to shut down the door from the insouciant dealings with my friends. I was sleepless, expectant, and anxious a few days before the Mid-term Exams.

My preliminary marks impassioned me to better my studies. It was an enticing headstart of the making of my future. How propitious it was to look forward to a time when my parents could worry no more of their financial responsibility for my education. I wanted to be a part of the Dean's List, eager to devoid my parents of miraculously providing for my tuition fee. I just wanted to help them and help myself.

Then the day came when my dad told me something that would ruin all my plans. That he had no money. That he was sorry and all he could do was to push me to talk to the university's treasurer at the registrar's office, to make a promisory note, just take the exams anyway and pay them by the time my dad's ready.

But my intense emotions and outright frustration didn't give my dad the chance to be heard. I remember leaving him in the room and just got out of the house to vent out my rage. After dinner, I returned home, quiet. My face was a picture of failure and so was my dad who couldn't talk anymore. No words came out of his mouth until everybody at home except me had to go to sleep. I knew how sorry my dad was, and I too felt sorry for my compulsion contrived me to abscond. Before the neighbors' roosters made their competitive racket, I saw myself with an old bag and my clothes in it.

I ended up at a friend's house just around the village. That's where I found the shoulders of a comforting outlet, talked with my friends, heard and felt their commiseration. How I wanted to forget the recent event that I started indulging in drinking, severe smoking, and willfully disregarded giving my dad and myself a second chance. I rebelled and found temporary refuge in a place so familiar with my parents and my siblings.

I felt better as the days progressed. My friends place served as my convalescence. Not a day went on though seeing my brother through the shutters, knocking at the door, calling out my name. He would talk to some of my friends and tell them I was being asked by my parents to go back home and that my parents were worried about me. My brother had to go home frustrated since my friends were so protective and one word was enough for them to lie about my whereabouts.

My heart is so weak and sometimes hiding my emotions is hard to deal with. "I will soon recover, I will soon go back home." I told myself while looking at my brother walk away.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Vitamin BTB -Be The Blog

There's more I would like to present to our dear fellow bloggers out there because of their notable blogging efforts but my time pulls my eagerness to give them right off the bat. For now let me start doing my share in bestowing this award to the following:

You can check out their blogs yourself to realize how much of a vitamin they serve to perk up your reading pleasure. There are equally deserving blogs I'd like to share this with but it's already a redundancy.

Be The Blog Awardees

Cyberpunk of Cyberpunk's So-Called Life
Jehrad of Bust A Change
Kimchihead of The Kimchihead
Loz of Sunrays and Saturdays
Mama Reynz of Reyna Elena
Mon of Keyboards Monologue
Morinn of Something to Talk About
Nick of Anything Goes
Shannon of Another Blogista On The Spot
Shiera of Bisdak Babbles
Sparky of A Faeries Tale

To the recipients please visit Me and My Drum for the suitable badge of your choice.

And to Awannabe ,Parisukat , and Ivy -my heartfelt gratefulness extends to the interior of my ears and the flung corners of my mouth. (Can you imagine how you just made me smile?) This could be corny and an exaggeration but there is no other way I could express my warmest thanks to you.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Moving Forward

It was like a dream that thrilled my passion to auspiciously look ahead of my future. But when my dad told me he could no longer maintain my schooling, I had to succumb to despondency. I felt totally dejected.

My farewell was dragging me to abandon my ambition. My heart was crying. I knew I did my best, that I could prove myself better than most of my classmates, that my teacher adored the mental capacity I was trying to better. It was after all a fanfaronade, a parade of my wit that would end up in a tragedy of sort, intercepted and underappreciated.

That bitter year of 1999 somehow lost my momentum to regain the positive thoughts I had for studying. There were attempts of going back to school, some scholarship grants, a close relative who volunteered her support for my education, drilling my own pocket when ESL teaching paved its way for me-all these proved futile though to still aim for the diploma which everybody thinks is the measure of one’s worth in the society.

Why do people look down on me if I have no diploma and I can speak English better than they do? Why do people look down on me If I have no diploma and they ask me to work on their essays and thesis? Why do people look down on me If I have no diploma and I always have to teach them how grammatically incorrect their sentence construction is? Why do people look down on me If I have no diploma and I can speak English with eloquence sounding like an American Native with the twang of an Igorot Americanized during the World War II? Why do my fellow teachers look down on me if I have no diploma but most of our Korean students choose me to be their teacher, give me the highest score for teachers’ evaluation, and place me as the top teacher in the “Big Five”? Why do these teachers with doctorate degrees look down on me If I have no diploma and I toppled them when the school master conducted a rigorous grammar exam for teachers at the Korean School where I worked at? Why did I have to leave them trailing tens of points behind me If I have no diploma and I deserved the promotion but never got it? Why do people look down on me if I have no diploma and I have been working for almost ten years now while many graduates bum around and can't even make it to the mushrooming call centers in the country? I have jumped from one job to another and I wished I had two bodies to grab more.

The foregoing above should suffice as to why I need to harp on this, that I am an undergraduate student. No one wanted to call me a professional and I am taking this opportunity to call my self one.

This is my blog anyway. I am also proud to say that I am gay.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Thanks for the Friendship

I have always regarded Friendship as one of the best gifts in life. Sometimes though, I feel guilty for taking it for granted. It is sweet to give, receive, and build friendship in this intertwined world of possibilities.

I'd like to personally thank Parisukat, Monaco, Jeangrey, and Ambo for tagging me with this Friendship badge. You make me feel special. The following people are also special to me no matter how short the time we have had to know each other. I know this is just the commencement of something worth cherishing in the blogosphere which I hope will take us somewhere only our hearts can express in its gratitude someday. I have found friends in you guys and this I will forever treasure.

Awannabe of The Life of Awannabe
Bill of From the Boondocks
Chuckie of A Day In The Life
Chuva of Male Maximum Beauty
Crazed_heck of My Blogville-Life as it is
Cyberpunk of Cyberpunk's So-Called Life
Deb of Let Me Go On and On
Femikey of Femikey Sketch Blog
Fruity of Fruitspecies
Glenz of Finally My Journey
Ivy of Chuvaness...Chakaness...Eclavu
Jackie of The Painted Veil
Jehrad of Bust A Change
Kathycot of Buhay ni Misis Kathy
Kenji of Bakla Ako May Reklamo
Kimchihead of The Kimchihead
Lotusflower of The Ibanag Family
Mama Reynz of Reyna Elena
Mangelnoah of A Field of Blazing Fire Trees
Maiylah of Maiylah's Snippets
Marjie of So Marjienalized
Morinn of Something To Talk About
Nelly of Nellioness. For Soul, For Mind, For Body
Nick of Anything Goes
Paisley of Secret, Secret, I've got a secret
Rocky of Bloggingmix
Serena of Chat 'N Chill
Shannon of Another Blogista On The Spot
Shiera of Bisdak Babbles
Sparky of A Faeries Tale
Staggo of Gay Bipolar Guy
Vin of The Adventures of Vin

Thank you so much.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

phone chat dating

I know a few people who found their true love through the Internet. One is happily married and in Sweden, another one already has two children enjoying the sight of her blue-eyed children in New Zealand, and the other one just flew to Germany to heed to the marriage proposal she got from her loyal boyfriend whom she met through chatting online.

For those people who are lonely, loveless, and are looking for their ideal partners in life, Friendsation might just be the first step for you. It is a free community website that facilitates live chat thru live Chat thru multiple mediums.

Signing up is free so why not try it? It is an online site which provides you an avenue for free dating, free live chat, and free phone chat.

Looking Beyond The Horizon

My childish impulse made me believe I wanted to be an engineer. In my adolescence though, one simple yet inevitable revelation changed all that-the revelation of my sexuality. This irreversible revelation was harder to chew than some smoked horse meat. I had to swallow it then, accept it as a part of my wholeness.

"I haven't heard of any gay engineers," I heard myself say in highschool. It was a quick decision. I just realized I had to bury that dream of mine even if there were attempts of evasion, believing I wasn't created as one of those abhorred and despised by many people. I didn't want to give up that dream I have since envisioned but the inflamed passion for writing I just discovered of myself handed the verdict I had to be served in weaving my future.

Prohibiting myself to succumb to the notoriety stigmatized by homosexuality, I had to believe in a while that I was made a man and the femininity in me wasn't indelible. But I was mistaken, the more I tried to elude the reality of my nature, the more pain I had to go through all my life. But to top it all, I wanted to prove something that would ameliorate the ingrained, grotesque picture associated with homosexuality. Though my primary dream was a meek witness of my evolving sexuality, a witness stifled in oblivion, I grinned with optimism to ready myself for a detour.

I took up Mass Communications in college. Primordially, the course took me to a smooth sailing ship in a serene sea, mirroring the azure skies that lit my earnest dream. I was determined to be a journalist. Until one day, the swells of the sea disembarked me from my journey. Until one day, despite of trying so hard, the course I was taking turned rutted. I dropped out of school, derailed by lack of funds at a spitting distance from the terminus. I never graduated.

Saturday, November 17, 2007


What was your dream in your yester years? When you were younger, do you remember an instance how you would tell with fervor, your dreams to your parents? Do you recall a moment in a classroom when one of your teachers wanted to know how you envisioned a career for yourself? When you stood up with paramount dignity telling everyone what you wanted to be was the noblest in the world? With how you'd take pride comparatively prattling with your playmates of your precarious ambitions?

I remember myself with those kindled dreams in my innocence. Words rolling off my tounge were like the reflection and assurance of a bright future awaiting me, in retrospect. How sweet it was to always tell people, "I wanted to be a Civil Engineer." I held on to that dream passioned by how my dad would always brag about his engineer friend, that an engineer makes a lot of money and plans, and builds the most durable and elegant buildings and houses, bridges and roads. Well, that was how I was told.

Later though as I soon left the images of my boyhood, and my innocence opened to the more complex realities in life, I realized that dreaming too much in my younger years was a picture of bitterness. As I was going through different struggles in life, the picture of the world began to unfold together with the departure of my ignorance. It proved that it was more painful battling a well of obscurity impending to ruin your most cherished ambitions.

In my teen years, that word-of-mouth dream of my younger years slowly vanished. I was probably doing my best priviliged with the education my parents afforded me in a public school but the path I took was rudderless until one of my mentors in highschool discovered something in me-that I could write.

I was zealous and a vim of do-good nature in me was ablaze anew. I had a new direction to take. "I wanted to be a journalist." I told my classmates and teacher on my first day as a freshman in a prestigious university in my town.

How I ended up being a teacher? It's for another post.

Emergency Cash

I just can’t seem to have enough. It’s not that I am complaining about how much money I make out of my job but seeing me habitually strapped is inevitable. There is some satisfaction in a son being able to help his parents and siblings religiously but trying hard to make both ends meet sometimes suggests that the son should just live on his own. I know I can do that but a dutiful son to his parents says otherwise.

When my boss was still here in the Philippines, there were countless times I had to hesitantly ask him for cash advance and payday loans. My all-of-a-sudden-presence at his office in an ancillary mode intuitively meant I needed something. I needed money. My boss was kind and understanding enough during those times. Perhaps, if my memory serves me right, only one instance of being turned down, pushes me not to recall the times. I know he hated the idea of it since borrowing and lending money isn’t so common in his culture. But knowing I support not only myself but my family, he had to relinquish his indifference.

It’s been months since I made the decision to end my gambling addiction. Glad, I can do better now in terms of my financial obligations to my family. Often times though, I am caught daydreaming about the next payday. The fact is, I am impecunious most of the time always fumbling where to get immediate cash, especially now that my boss has not been around for almost a year.

The Solution.

Getting cash advance online is a sure relief. It offers you quick cash assistance to fund your personal checking or savings account. One good thing about it is that it does not require you a credit check. In addition, the loan approval criteria is based on a few other factors that most employed people meet such as employment, status, minimum income, and an active checking or savings account.

Pay day loans or short term loans also prove helpful. Usually the cash advance checks are processed faster, you can apply anonymously from the public, complete the application in the privacy of your own home, no standing in line at a store for hours, etc.

Got the thoughts of it. The next time I need cash and no one seems to come in handy, I surely know where to get help. I should try it next time.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Missing Something

I finally let loose last night.

I had the intention to take a leisurely walk but it turned out the other way. It was tinged with horror. It was past midnight and I felt the urge to back out. The visibility of my fear made it self manifest in my walk. It was a moonless sky but the vicinity was bright perhaps because of the coruscating neon signs and the beaming lights from the high-rise buildings.

I kept turning my head, looking high and low but all I could see were a few vehicles speeding up for the trip on their way home. I couldn't see any figure on the road except the thought that I walked past the habitually sleeping guard at the basement before my exit of the building.

The walk saw me yearning for something, something I had done in the past which I wish I had ejected entirely off me. Still something in me wanted to burst out at that moment, to break the silenced worldly passion in my entity. To push the limit I have imposed to myself, stifle my restriction. I knew I didn't like to do it but my personality spoke to my other side. There was something I wanted to do. But the time was forbidding. It took an unbiased interruption of my craving as there were no victims the animalistic nature in me could prey on.

Accompanied by three bottles of extra strong beer, a cup of coffee, some smoked horse meat, and the noise in that joint along the main road, I took the pleasure to treat myself after a hard day's work. It was payday and that was strange of me. I would rather go home and have some rest. The ambiance was made much stranger without the presence of AJ, the thoughts of him was my company. "You are alone, where's your friend?" The lady server asked.

It was different without AJ's voice animatedly singing his favorite oldies and his temporal rejuvenation singing today's songs. True, it was a night of a slice of freedom but it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.

I came back to the office satisfied with the temporary happiness a small beer could give but my soul was empty.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

I ruined his future

It's been raining the whole day. It was rather cold and AJ and I snuggled in the cab waiting for passengers as we exited the building where the Korean Agency is. That's where my boss wires the money to pay our teachers' services in this company. As the cab motioned, a faint perturbance grew in me seeing how the driver looked. He didn't seem trustworthy. He was a dumpy man in his forty's and his face didn't show any sight of amiability. He looked stern and cold.

"One of those haughty drivers who skillfully prey on uncomplaining passengers by rerouting and speeding up the tick of the meter." I thought. Had it not been raining, I would have told AJ to take another cab. Once inside, the driver mumbled something in disgust knowing we had to take the jam-packed road en route to the office. He had no choice.

Upon our return to the office, AJ helped me sort out the teacher's individual pay by sealing them in small brown envelopes. He had to leave right away to deposit some cash to Christian's bank account. (He is my driver brother.) It's Byron's birthday next week, my youngest brother and it's been a while we haven't talked, not even texted.

I thought it befitting to send him some cash for his birthday. I know he had been bugging me a year ago about buying him an MP3 player but at his age, I just realized that he could buy what he wants with the petty cash.

I don't like to surmise it as a bribe for the broken promise I made him. He has been bumming around at home though I know how eager he is to go to school. It has been two years since the promise, If I only had supported him to the hilt, he would have been a second year student by now. Will he accept my gift? I feel heavy for having deprived him of going to school with his closest friends. That's what he wanted, enrolling in a college with his contemporaries. Now, he is left behind and all I think in regrets is how I have been as a brother to him. I feel that I ruined his future. His chance to have made his future brighter was dimmed by my mistake in the past. I had gambled his tuition fee and the sharp twinge of conscience continues to haunt me.

I'd better have some beers to get over this, for the meantime.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Caught -The conclusion of the previous post

The man in his twenty's was wearing a pair of blue denim pants and a blue, checked short-sleeved polo shirt. His sight oozed a certain charm in his facade, a virile man at the height of almost 6 feet. He held a Manila envelope and laid it on the table as he took a seat. He turned his head and gave a quick look around. He pulled out a neatly folded hanky as perspiration was pouring down his face.

It was extremely hot in the lunchroom as it was getting more crowded. He wiped his sweat, fixed his tousled shirt and surveyed the room just like a first-timer. He saw me glaring at him but he didn't bother. At first, it didn't strike me that this guy was a good object for this animal lust in me. (At least for my eyes and wildest imagination.)

I think I had forgotten my craving of the daily gossips and the hunger marching in my stomach earlier was put to a halt. His well-built muscle in the arms and his luscious derriere which I prioritized to peek at when he stood craning his neck to look for a more convenient spot, thrilled the hormones in me. I looked at him again, this time sizing up the contour of his face and the complexion of his body. He's got a well-toned skin judging on his arms alone. And though he displayed a bit of a chubby face, his shaved head proved befitting to compensate for that. He's definitely not my ideal type of man but he could be my daylight fantasy.

In the middle of my woolgathering, he suddenly rose and loped towards the counter. He caught me reading him so I had to pretend I was reading the newspaper. His second look was certainly meaningful. He figured I was gay especially when one of Ate Liza's servers started calling me "Sis." While reading, I couldn't avoid leering at him as he got back to his seat. I got the feeling that he was still looking at me wanting to give me that straight-in-the-eyes confrontation, as if he wanted to ask me something perhaps, "Do you like me? Why are you staring at me like that?" The simple thought of that aroused the weakness in me. Handsome men are my weakness.

A well of blood started to gather around my face. I was blushing and he knew I had been looking at him all the while. I couldn't look straight at him anymore, I stooped lower, closer to the newspaper which I actually wasn't reading at all because I was reading him. While avoiding any eye contact that could worsen my humiliation, my mind kept trying to envision a guy near the entrance wearing a blue polo shirt. I lifted the paper gradually upward 'til it was covering my face. More than twenty minutes had gone without looking at his direction, I was able to gather my strength, my face still tinted with the mark of embarrassment.

When the flurry of activity in the cafeteria had lessened, I braved my eyes to finally throw a glimpse at his direction, if he was still there. To my relief, he was gone and I saw a scrawny guy wearing a blue scruffy shirt instead from the printing press who took on his seat there. I went to Ate Liza and asked about this guy who momentarily satisfied my fantasy. "He has gone. He didn't find what he wanted to eat so he left right away." "WHAT?!"

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


The sunray was already filtering through my window when I decided to get up. I sank in bed late last night and I just had another nightmare. But it's not the one that leaves you gasping for breath nor the one that puts you gaping with your restricted howl.

Must be a good day for me as I examined myself in the mirror. The bulged wound on my lip has shrunken and I felt heaven. It was terrible the past days, avoiding to eat this 'n that and being restrained by AJ from smoking ,albeit I thought it was a blessing in disguise to remind me of how long I have been a smoker and it's about time I cut the addiction. I have been so dependent on cigarettes and I am just so desperate to make attempts at quitting. I have tried tapering off to no avail. I went cold turkey but it was just a cycle. Now I still suck up on these cancer sticks.

After making myself freshly clean and neat, I dashed for my station, turned on my PC and disappeared moments later for a meal upstairs.

I saw myself seated at a table next to the counter at the cafeteria. As usual the place was in a flurry and I had to wait to be served. Trying to hold my hunger, I threw a glance at the display of foods and after giving myself some assurance that I'd be served, I grabbed the tabloid(BULGAR) halfway inserted in the drawer to my right. Reading the newspaper has been a habit to satisfy my piqued curiosity of the showbiz news. In short, I love gossips and people there in the lunchroom often call me "tsismosa" (gossip monger) hehehe.

While engrossed in today's showbiz headlines, I spotted a guy who just managed to take a seat at a table near the entrance. He must be a new customer, I thought...To be continued...

Monday, November 12, 2007


Today, AJ and I left the house a few minutes away from midday. The thoughts of what seemed like a confrontation with Ate Gemma persisted in my head. I kept thinking about how embarrassed I was yesterday. Did it matter if I answered or not? What would have been her reaction if I had lied? If I had told the truth I didn't have a girlfriend, would have that diminished the manliness I have been trying to project for myself after a while? Wasn't my blushing enough to keep her silent and never bother to pester me again anyway?

'Out of the frying pan and into the fire.' This cliche should explain well of how I feel now and what I have always felt while at the pretense of cohabitating with AJ. I love him and he loves me. I want to be free but he is scared and so I am. There was a time he readied himself for the revelation but that was the time I changed my mind. I don't want to ruin the respect he has earned for himself, and attributed to him by his family and mostly his neighbors. There are just so many consequences to deal with. So long as we have each other, we'll try to deal with all these adversaries that come our way. Though it means constricting our rage of this egregious picture of sexual discrimination.

That wasn't the first time my gender was put to test. People have always been so speculative, skeptical, of who and what I am. They might have some faint ideas but these are bridled for fear of hurting me or staving me off humiliation. On one hand, there are offendingly blunt people who want to see my embarrassment, see me contract like an anathema, laugh at the ridicule of my sexuality. I enjoyed the previous jobs I had had but I had to leave. My upbringing did not prepare me to readily ward off such innuendos. For years, I have learned how to keep the pain filtering through my human individuality. But I surely know who I am.

Sunday, November 11, 2007


This morning, AJ and I woke up with plastered enthusiasm on our faces. I felt a lot better than yesterday and hoped for a total recovery after a few more rounds of medication. I was optimistic I could make it to work the next day.

There was a growing excitement in me as we were enjoying our cupfuls of coffee in the kitchen. We had planned to give our room a new look and finally to have its interior kiss the refreshing sight of a purplish shade of blue coating. AJ had always wanted us to spare some time and money for the painting of his room. We just had been lingering on the plan because we were focused on something else then. I was noisily sipping the hot coffee in my cup while thinking of my family back home. The aromatic elemental experience in my cup reminded me to give my sister a ring later if they ever received the cash I sent last Monday.

AJ interrupted my enamor of enjoying a bit of caffeine when he asked, "What do you want for breakfast?" without the attached "Hon" at the end. "You can get me any vegies, anything not oily," I replied with a command of manliness in my voice. That's not the usual me though when time gives us the feeling that the world is our own, in our hands and we have all the freedom to express how we feel towards each other. Unfortunately, AJ's home isn't just ours but his family's and the extension of it. I don't complain though that the congestion is seemingly evident in this three-storey house of theirs. But the many pairs of unsuspecting eyes, ironically is something I have to contend with. It isn't an assurance that I should show any signs of sissiness through my actions and words. {The word "bakla" (gay) is a word of mouth here and kids even at the age of three use it as a weapon to leave their playmates crying in tantrums. Adults as well as children either poke fun at each other using homophobic words. The way they do, signifies an innate prejudice against homosexuals.} At least, I still have a space to breathe and the way I am being treated is befitting to my satisfaction. An added bonus is the fact that I can be with AJ though I don't know for how long.

And you thought we painted the room ourselves? No, we had to pay JB's service, the eldest son of "Ate Gemma", one of our friendliest neighbors who frequents the house to play some card games with AJ's mom and sister. AJ insisted we didn't have to hire JB to do the makeover since we can do it ourselves. (Gosh, can I call it a makeover even if it's just a mere painting session? (LOL))But it was my decision to pay for JB's service. "Does it hurt your pocket if we could give a little help to JB and his family?" I asked and searched AJ's face for an answer. "Ate Gemma's" husband has been working in a far away city and has not come back home yet for several months now. It's really hard for the family to find means for survival without the breadwinner's financial support.

In the end, we concluded to hire JB for a few hours while I read some books and AJ replace his mom for the awaiting card game downstairs. A few minutes later, while I was absorbed in my reading, AJ came telling me I had to take over while he go to the restroom.

"Seems like you and AJ are both planning to take home your own girlfriends," 'Ate Gemma' greeted me as I plopped down the small bench. "I looked at her a wink trying to hold the gush of blood rushing up my face. I obviously blushed but I never spoke a word. "After your room gets painted, you have to put a divider in between and you can spend your honeymoon with your girlfriends," she suggested with the intention to give a crack. "Do you have a girlfriend in Baguio?" She finally asked. AJ came back in time to proceed with the game before I could give a reply. I was relieved.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Bodily Heat

"I am having the chill." I told Ji Hyoung, my last student last night. "I'm sorry to hear that,” she said with a well of concern in her high pitched voice. "I'm just glad it's Friday and this is my last class." I told her. "Maybe, you have the fever, she solicitously interrupted.

I was so lucky I managed to finish the class while trying to manipulate the bodily quake of an impending illness with a blanket wrapped around my torso. If my memory serves me right, the last time I got a fever was more than a year ago.

After the class, I uttered a sigh, looked at the ceiling and maneuvered myself to my room at the office. I kept thinking to myself how sickly I have been in the past months. There should be something wrong with me which my mental extension couldn’t seem to fathom at that moment. AJ was there waiting since I insisted he wait for me that time. Maybe, I am just so attached to the companionship we have every Friday night. He had already packed my laundry and minutes were counting before we took off. I scooted in Teacher Harry's office to say goodbye. He himself will leave the office next day morning.

We safely left the building walking past the snoring guard at the basement. It was almost 12:00 midnight. “This guard is not doing his job.” I thought. It was dim and a number of cars were quietly parked, listening to our echoing footsteps. Way past the exit of the basement, I gazed up at the starless sky with God in my thoughts. I have lots of things to tell and ask Him in my prayers.

As we were doing our weekly night walk towards the bus stop, AJ seemed uneasy. He kept pressing the back of his palm on my neck and forehead. “You indeed are feverish,” he said with the doleful expression on his face. He was trying his best to make me comfortable, wrapping his right arm around my waist while his left busied with my backpack.

“Let’s buy some aspirin,” I suggested. I had been thinking about taking some medicine before boarding the bus on the highway. As much as possible though, I wanted to avoid any medicine intake considering it would have some negative effects on my liver disease. But the idea that I may not be able to get over the fever before Monday next week, scared the shit out of me. That’s one thing my boss hated about his employees-absence, and a single one malimprints a long lasting bad impression. Well, that’s what my boss always reminds me when hiring teachers on probation.

“You have to stuff your tummy with something before taking medications,” AJ said. My face glared like a child. I felt like a baby being pampered. A few moments later, we ended up at a newly opened cafeteria by the road. I ordered some smoked horse meat side-dished with half a slice of a red egg and a tomato while AJ had some grilled pork. I am absolutely an eating machine that I finished the meal even before AJ was halfway his. The cashier who also was the food server tried to hold her bemused self looking at my spick and span banana leaf.

I’m still running a fever but I am glad the throbbing agony that has dwelled on my head has ceased. Looking forward to a better day tomorrow.

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Friday, November 9, 2007

A Glowing Freedom

"I want to take a shower," I thought to myself yesterday. Normally, that part of my routine is done in the evening but the sultry heat yesterday afternoon was so compelling. My toughened butt left the station and readied myself for the splash. Absolutely, nothing compares a blissful bath in cold water.

I stepped in the bathroom half-naked and I realized there was no shampoo. There are times though I can get by on soap for my thick crown but not today. With this kinky and firm keratinous filaments of mine? I managed to put on my clothes back and headed for a nearby store where I could buy a sachet.

That was the first time the whole day I ever stepped out of the building. The radiance from our computer monitors in the office must have obscured my sense of sight that when I got out of the building, I felt some active force lay its hands on my physicality. It was unexplainable. The world outside was aglow. I looked at the people around, the jeepneys congesting the street,the several skycrapers up to the band of clouds perfectly matched with the cobalt skies. I was cut loose from the confinement I created for myself. A matter of choice, I should say. My boss is still in Korea and it would be a different story when he comes.

I went to the store as if sauntering, like a child detached from what their parents worry about most of the day.

Freedom, it gives me power but I don't have that much. Do you?

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Yearning for something

Just got a shower this afternoon and how refreshing it was to get out of the bath soaking away the grime behind and washing off the sweltering heat on your body. I wrapped my body with the indigo towel AJ just took to work with him yesterday. It's soft and clean and it reminded me of how it feels to be floating on water while it joyously laps your wholeness. (I surely miss swimming.) AJ's mom has been doing my laundry for years now and I am just so thankful she takes care of my clothes like I am a son, or a daughter in-law? (LOL)

I'd been sitting across from my monitor the whole day visiting other blogs and leaving comments on them. This morning, I was happy to share with Teacher Jenny some printed affirmations in forms of certificates and tailor-made door hangers I got from this website.

"Wow, where did you get that?" Teacher Jenny asked after I pulled out the printable ones of the HP machine. "I like this one," she said with so much glare in her face that she headed for my station and checked the website. She was looking at one of the door hangers with this message:

We are not here but we are not there either
If you figure it out consider yourself enlightened

For sure, I chanced upon this blog once over at blogcatalog and I found my way back through awannabe's blog site. Her site was privileged to be given a review and advice by the author.

There isn't much stress today. Some busy students decided to cancel their classes to entertain their visitors at home. Teacher Harry and I were so quiet minding our own business in our respective stations. The lights were turned off almost the whole day. Instead, the lustrous monitors shed brilliance in the room. I turned on the lights at past twilight. I felt some renascence, the verisimilitude of freedom.

I had planned to take a walk at a nearby park after midnight earlier this week. I've been hankering for those good old days where a brisk walk sends me some sense of unexplainable delectation. But the days have counted and it seems I need to make another plan.

Can't Let Go of Them

This one is from awannabe and it's about the "Three Things I can't let go of Meme." Sounds like three things I can't live without. Have a ride.

~*(^(00)^)*~AJ and I have been together for more than three years minus the several months he had gone abroad. Though I am uncertain of the love I have for him, I am sure to myself that it would be an agonizing moment to see him away from my side. He is my best companion and he is the smile on my face.

~*(^(00)^)*~Though I seem to have some thoughts of looking for a better job perhaps trying my fortune to land in another career and a well-compensated one with a better position in a bigger company, teaching has been a passion for me. I see myself as a teacher in the future while I can and it would be the last kind of work I want to engage in for the rest of my life.

~*(^(00)^)*~Sure there were times I went astray, I had bitter moments of struggles with the family I belong in. I had a prolonged cold war with my dad, my brothers may have hurt me because of my queer personality, they may seem apathetic when they don't see my importance, but I just love them so dearly. Given the chance for a second life, I'd surely choose to be with them again and treasure every moment we'd share, for good times or bad times.

I am tagging no one in particular but anyone interested to share theirs is very much appreciated.

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Want to sell something online?

The advent of the internet amidst modernization and globalization has surely changed people’s way of life all over the world. The popularity of the internet has surely taken us in awe that everybody seems to want to have a computer and facilitate everything and anything they could imagine doable on the net. The internet has so far took its spot as one of the most accessed form of media these days. You can watch videos, read books, keep yourself posted of the latest news and information, download, and even buy the things that you like at the comfort of your home. And you thought that was all?

Now, with the presence of ecommerce software , you can also actually sell anything online.

For entrepreneurs and businessmen who want to find success in selling their products online, this Shopping cart software is for you. At Ashop Commerce , setting up your own shopping cart or building your online store capable of making it compete with the web’s most powerful sites with a simple, low monthly fee is easy as 1, 2, 3.

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Wednesday, November 7, 2007

They Just Keep Popping Out

Turning and twisting myself to somehow manage to sleep comfortably in my bed had been deprived of me for almost two months. It's just so hard to be wincing when three wounds, the size of a one-peso coin, give you the feeling of a voodoo doll being pricked on with the slightest single move that agitates them. But the hell is over. I have gotten over the wounds, leaving me some scars on the right leg.

At my age, I wouldn't have to worry anymore whether "sebo de macho" or any enguent might still help them regenerate. I'd care less seeing those spots. I got big legs anyway but the irony of it is I love wearing shorts because I still haven't adapted my warm-blooded body to the extreme heat here in Manila. That speaks well for an Igorot who grew up in a city with cool weather ranging from 10-22 degrees celsius temperature, and the slowly diminishing flora of pine trees, huh.

While on cloud nine telling you guys I have gotten over what I thought was leg ulcer, I am saddened on the other hand that another thing just popped out on my upper lip. Am I cursed? They just keep popping out. First, it was a pimple, then a sty, then small wound, then another popped out, then another. I thought that was it. I was wrong. Now, another watery bulge on my lip just strips me off enjoying my meals and sucking up on my cigar. Sigh...

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Tuesday, November 6, 2007

The Flat-Nosed Me

There are parts of me that I feel are beautiful, but they don't have anything to do with my nose.-Sally Field

How I miss some funny moments and conversations with my past students and fellow teachers. When I was in Baguio, they'd always ask me about the acqueousness of my nose. I'd tell them, it just sweats a lot for no apparent reason. I never thought that the cliched belief of associating jealousy with a sweaty nose was something that would leave me red in the face.

I hated my nose when I was younger and I felt doomed everytime I'd look at my brothers-they being endowed with fine looking ones. All the while, I avoided my nose put in the limelight of any conversation or small talks. I wished it was never appendaged to me.

After years of drenching my nose to no avail, and the futile attempt of suppressing the humiliation and the ridicule attached to it, I got the hang of allowing it the center of banter among my friends and acquaintances during lunch breaks in the dining hall, short breaks in the lounge. Eventually, my nose became my pride.

I took those negative comments I'd hear from people in a light manner. Then all of sudden, I just saw myself gliding with the jokes and puns about it.

"You are very lucky to have those grecian noses," I'd often tell people who are born with naturally perfect noses. But I don't sulk, believing mine is a parking lot.

Once a close friend of mine told me something which really made my nose look a little bit prominent. That moment was so magical that it made me think my nose is not the most desperate thing God ever created.

"You know, you have to be happy with your nose, it is just a parking lot after all. You know Teacher Pamela, don't you?" He asked. "Yes," I said quickly, and then my imagination started to soar with the imaginary mirror by my side. I had not been so familiar with Teacher Pamela since she was just one of the new teachers then and we would always be assigned to teach different students in different condo's in the subdivision. I wasn't so particular with how she looked like but I had to be when my close friend said, "Teacher Pamela, has an airport in her visage!" I was so naive of the wisecrack he just struck me up with. A few seconds later, we both burst into insane laughs.

That would often break the ice in some of those cherished conversations with my students and some old fellow teachers. Little by little, I learned how to accept things as they are-that this is my nose and it tells so much about my personality. I am proud of it and my dream of having a nose surgery in the future is bygone. I want to cherish the moment when most of my students would daub their fingers each day on this shiny nose of mine.

Those words keep ringing in my head. "Your nose and the sweat on it are a lucky charm."

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Monday, November 5, 2007

Jumping on the bandwagon

What’s the buzz? Have you signed up for smorty yet? Well, this is my take on the bandwagon of making money online and smorty is surely one on top of the list. Smorty gives you lots of opportunities to get paid to blog about a wide variety of products from its advertisers. Smorty is a service connecting advertisers with bloggers.

Once you have your smorty account, you’ll be amazed as how easy it is to use this service. It has a user-friendly dashboard which makes it easy for you to manage your account. Its dashboard facilitates you with its list of opportunities, your pending tasks, deadline reminders to keep you abreast, and the figures you have to making yourself a few notches away from making it big time.

Why not? I have just recently signed up for smorty and I am excited about what it can do not only to enhance my blogging experience by writing unique opinion posts with links back to the advertiser’s site but by also helping me make both ends meet as I get paid for blog advertising Smorty has affiliate programs wherein advertisers can create a campaign and have bloggers write unique review articles about services and link back to the website using specific keywords. See, smorty indeed is the most effective tool to increase search engine rankings by blog advertising. It won’t be long before blog advertising sends advertisers rankings skyrocketing.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Going To Church

The power went off just a few minutes back. I thought I wouldn't be able to post anything tonight. It just so happened that some inconsiderate neighbors had the nerve to bypass their actual electric consumption. Wire tapping, using jump wires, looting of electrical wires-these are so common practices of some self-oriented people where AJ lives.

AJ was quick, he got a candle downstairs near the kitchen. Candles are a necessity in a place where the least of worst things habitually happen. The candle gave us temporary brightness in the room while I was busily fanning myself with a brand new folder I darted into on the desk to my left. I was quiet and obviously irritated of the earlier bearable heat which just doubly took its toll on my easily drenched body.

The power was restored by the time the folder was half-way dilapidated.

In my recap, I saw myself at the church this afternoon. Having said my prayers intended for my family, my loved ones, my health, etc. gave me some kind of inner peace and tranquility. AJ and I left the church with the resonance of the renewed vigor in us, in our spirituality. I want to go there next week again and want to keep it as regular as possible if I could.

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Get to know me better

Parisukat had me tagged with this interesting meme. Take a look.

GET TO KNOW ME BETTER meme (Part I) by meatball

Q1. What were you doing 10 years ago?
>I was going to school though would often skip classes.

Q2. What were you doing 1 Year ago?
>Video calling my students for my online classes. (Masagwa ba pakinggan?)

Q3. What are 5 snacks you enjoy?
>Let's not forget chicheria (junk foods) like 'boy bawang' and piattos, pearly shell, spaghetti, and pancit canton

Q4. What are 5 songs you know the lyrics to?
>Better Man, I Believe, Closer You and I, Qing Fei de Yi, I'll Always Love You

Q5. 5 things you would do if you were a Millionaire?
-build my own charity
-play Bingo everyday
-go island hopping in the Philippines
-take home some guys (paminsan-minsan lang) hehehe
-put up my own internet cafe

Q6. 5 Bad habits?
>smoking more than what i was used to, neglecting my health, singing while eating (my boyfriend always reprimands me when he catches me red-handed), procrastinating, ningas cogon

Q7. 5 things you like to do?
>writing, playing duckpin bowling, playing bingo at the mall( i haven't been in a while), going back home to my hometown

Q8. 5 Favourite Toys?
>trinkets from divisoria (once, i bought a miniature bowling set and it was fun, my cellphone, computer, yoyo, the other one is a shocker and it need not be mentioned here, hehehe

Q9. 5 things you would never wear?
I really can't say, I tend to wear anything and experiment on anything that interests me.

Q10.5 things you hate to do?
>borrowing money but sometimes i just can't avoid it, staying at home on my days off because I am penniless, pretending for the sake of humanity, hehehe, going home on fridays without a bottle or two of beer, waiting for a long time (it kills my patience)

GET TO KNOW ME BETTER meme (PART 2) by grace

1. Significant Other’s name? AJ (Did I get it right? I hope.)
2. What is the color of the underwear you are wearing now? -black
3. What are you listening to right now? - the oscillating electric fan in the room
4. What are the last 4 digits number in your cellphone? - 3375
5. What was the last thing you ate? -blue skies cracker
6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? - green
7. How is the weather right now? -it's really hot, i am sweating a lot even if the fan is at its maximum
8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? - a certain neighbor
9. The first thing you notice about opposite/preferred sex? - this question is really objective, huh, I'd go for the legs and feet
10. Favorite type of food(s) - salty, spicy, vegies, some Korean dishes

I am tagging no one in particular because I might just fall short of whom to tag. Anyone who wants to proceed and spread this interesting meme is very much appreciated.^^

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Saturday, November 3, 2007

Nooking by the window

That is my favorite spot especially on weekends.

Hypnagogic, I pressed my lips gently on AJ's. That was one of the usual mornings we always treasure. He was murmuring something and I thought he was dreaming. It was almost eleven o'clock in the morning. A brand new day, waiting downstairs. We got out of bed, hustled by the loud music on the third floor of the house.

AJ made me a cup of coffee as I was thinking of how to make the most of my day. I was visible at the usual rendezvous of my thoughts-the window in the living room. There was so much noise, as I was thinking of my family back home. Dodging back bitter memories of being unable to support them for a couple of months when my world was focused on the Casino. I felt invigorated with the assurance that I have gotten over my addiction.

Thinking of the watch I just sent to perk up my sister's awaiting adolescence, planning inside my head of dropping by a bookstore to buy some old books, I feel, I need to do something to make better my familiarity with the English Language. I dream avariciously of the betterment of my writing skills.

Earlier this week, my younger brother, Christian, informed me of my special participation in his wedding. Wow, it's the first time someone's gonna ever get married among my siblings. I am sure my parents have been yearning of having their own grandchild. "They deserve it", I thought to myself while savoring the coffee in the mug which AJ habituates himself specializing in the morning.

It was noisy. One thing, I always abhor in one of my morning rests. Neighbors' children riding bikes to and fro infront of the window. Children, talking like birds just outside, infront of the houses tailor-made to fit side by side. Across from where I comfortably ready my eyes of the brand new day are teens rowdily thrilled over some video games. "I got up late, again", I thought. Upstairs are the tattooing of the hammer on some slabs of wood. AJ's mother just called a carpenter to fix her cabinet in her room.

Freshened by the small amount of coffee in the mug, many thougts just came passing by- of my going home this Christmas, of how I miss the rudimentary, peaceful, and quiet mornings in my home back in my hometown. My family haven't been texting. Oh, how I thought with a smirk of paranoia. They only seem to text me when they need something. I didn't mind. I didn't want to ruin the day.

How I wish to wake up with the glistening window panes, those misty looking cacti in the backyards, smacked with the morning dew. The birds chirping freely in the air, echoing in the pine trees, the barking of the dogs, the cool mornings, matched with a cup of coffee and colorful butterflies in the backyard. I yearn for the whining horse in the stable, the quacking ducks, the rustling of the bamboos, the country music appendaged to my dad, the crowing rooster, the quietness and calm of the morning. Oh, how I just miss the agrestic life in the suburb.

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Friday, November 2, 2007

Come and Go

My calmed mind gives me a slice of disturbance as my fingers press each key on my keyboard. It could have been easy but it wasn't.

Some of our teachers have come and gone. My heart screams silently as I try to ponder on the why's. Was there something I never did that I should have done to have avoided the sudden separation they never expected from the company? Two of our teachers just had to leave, sadly. I was not in control, or was I just careless to let them go?

Earlier this month, Teacher Anna had to go. Knowing her for more than 6 months colored the working relationship we had. All the while, I thought it would be a happy ending but the private talk I had with her to relay the top banana's decision was a paraprosdokian twist.

"Teach, I am sorry to say that your last day is on the 15 of October." I was straightforward, trying to avoid that temporizing might just pain her the more. I know how much she valued and showed passion in her job. I know she did her best, but to my boss her performance might have been mediocre. She had to step out and it wasn't my choice. If only I were the boss.

"She only teaches three students and she seems incapable of impressing more students to enroll," my boss told me before he laid his decision.

Sometimes, it's hard to be solely depending on what the boss has to say. I wanted to hear what the students said. I wanted to know their feedback. Were they satisfied with her or not? I have no idea. My boss is in control, and he indeed is once he turned down my suggestion of conducting Monthly Evaluation for teachers to know where they stand and overcome their shortcomings and weaknesses.

Then just the other day, it was also Teacher Shirley's last dance. It was the least expected my boss could resort to since she had been working her ass painstakingly to process our bills, teachers' application, payroll, permits, and whatnots. She also teaches students and assists teachers other than those mentioned salient tasks.

My impassive character was absent, the susurration of my emotions kept bugging me seeing those two teachers for the last time. I hope their talents and skills find new homes which will welcome them dearly and nurture the gifts each of them uniquely has.

As for me, I still seem recondite, quiet in the puppetry. I need time to rediscover my self, my purpose, my role, their expectations. Often, I and my boss don't see eye to eye about so many things. This company needs general cleaning and major renovation. This is me but I can't wait sleeping on it.

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Holiday Cheer Through Out The Year!

This is a sponsored post.

I have started talking about Christmas in my previous post and I think it's too early to be talking about my Christmas wishlist for my family. Anyway, before worrying about stretching my budget for the season of love and gift-giving, let me for the meantime share with you the items in the list. It pays to see something to visualize even before the occasion to keep you focused on their realization. Thank God CouponChief is here to help.

For my older brother, I hope to give him a pair of shoes. There are lots of choices though at shoes-accessories. For my younger brother who has planned to get hitched early next year, I want to give a digital camera so he can take pictures of his wedding which I may not be able to see. I am thinking If I also have to give him a suit. For my two other brothers, I can share with them a computer and a force jacket each. The weather in my hometown really gets cold especially in the months of December and January. For my sister and her favorite pet "Bantay", a variety of beautiful dog costumes will do.

And finally, how can I forget my mom and dad? I wish I could give them some pairs of classic utility pants and jessica london's jacket and blazers.

Well, that means I have to doubly work hard before I run out of the deadline.

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Thursday, November 1, 2007

My Seven's

I got tagged by Chuckie Dreyfus. The mechanics of the meme: Name seven things about me that are related to the number 7. I wish it were 6. (LOL) Would have been easier.

Here are the seven things about lordmanilastone that are related to number 7.

1. I usually have dinner at 7:00 p.m. That is my only available slot in the evening, before and after that, I teach a lot of students.

2. Duckpin (7 letters) Bowling (7 letters)=This is the hobby I am crazy about these days but I just don't have much the time to really enjoy it regularly.

3. I always have a hard time hitting pin no.7 when it's the only pin left for a spare.

4. When I was seven years old, I hated going to school and would be in tantrums without my dad handing me a one-peso coin for my baon (pocket money). Hehehe.

5. My first name is composed of seven letters. (lordmanilastone=take out seven letters and that's my first name, the rest is my family name) Sorry for making it a puzzle game for you guys.(LOL)

6. 2 + 2 + 3=7 The total number of the PR my blogs got. (LOL) Sorry, this number is giving me a hard time now, really!

7. Here are the lucky seven picks whom I'm afraid would have a hard time as much as I did putting two and two together of the list, hehehe.

Morinn , Lotusflower , Serena , Malditang Pinay , Nick , Shannon , and Donalyza .

You saved the day, guys!

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