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Monday, December 3, 2007

Remorse and Hibernation

Hyenna

Was there a time you were in hibernation or in a hiatus? Why? How did you deal with it?

"Time is as fast as an arrow."

It sucks but I have been mulling over the reasons behind being unable to post in a long time. There are a lot of things to say. The clear-cut getting-in-the-way tuition and quotidian job I have shouldn't be mentioned since it is not a good excuse. Maybe, I was just too lazy to post. Or the fire that was for sometime ablaze just died down. I still love to blog and I just can't understand why the spark just had to fade away.

Now, I am thinking more deeply. There was a time I admitted that I have an obsessive-compulsive behavior though I never actually had to undergo a psychological test or whatsoever. I may just be too naive to understand what it really means and I was to clueless to believe that I am indeed obsessive-compulsive. Then again, I remember a time when my eye got caught in the discussion at blogcatalog about a blogger who kept changing his blog's template to deal with what he called a "cycle". An impulse that hits people with obsessive-compulsive behavior. A spurt of a chameleon-like character, being whimsical, feeble, etc. I really don't know what's eating me. Insecurities, discontentment, anxieties, sexuality...there are too many to mention. But the compunction that has been eating me away from doing the regular things I had been doing is overwhelming. I am uncertain if spilling the beans will give me a relief. This is something that has been haunting me and I have always turned to AJ for help, reasurrance, and strenght to calmly deal with it.

I am really sorry if there are people I have disappointed or people I might have cajoled to live up to my expectations, perhaps my manipulations. Maybe, this is the real me- a very complicated person whom himself doesn't even know.

10 comments:

Serena said...

Hi there,

From the comments you made at my blog, I think deep down you know it is possible to live a "normal" lifestyle. Childbirth and child rearing then is one of the many "proofs" that the Creator made male and female for a purpose?

I admit that I feel a little uneasy every time I visit your blog here because you are rather explicit about your relationship.

Feel free to ignore and delete this comment. I don't mean any disrespect nor with intent to judge or hurt.

Sincerely,
Serena
ChatnChill

Jerad Kaliher said...

Honestly, there is nothing more natural then wanting to hibernate a bit. It's great to have a project such as blogging and being able to share your feelings and insights. And even though you have a loyal following I think everyone understands that you need a break sometimes too. Heck, we all do!

Just as long as you don't disappear and stop posting all together, no worries!

MONACO said...

nice to have you back lordmanilastone. I miss reading your posts. there are times when I feel the same way, when I just don't feel the spark anymore. but I trudge on. sayang naman what I've started. hope you find the spirit to continue. good thing you have AJ to help you.

hope you have time to for a meme because I tagged you in my blog.

morinn said...

It happens to me often. I usually hibernate for some time, away from friends and try to figure out where I am. It's just that sometimes nothing feels right. And I want to write about it but really don't know what to say.
I hope you recover from this phase soon. ;)

Teri said...

Nice Blog :)

LORD MANILA STONE said...

@serena

thanks for the comment and i think i need more time to think about it

@jerad

I am back and I am glad some of you guys understand. Everybody needs space, you are right.

LORD MANILA STONE said...

@morinn, monaco, and teri

Thanks guys for the heads up. I really appreciate your thoughts about this blog and this blogger. ^^

Cyberpunk said...

don't worry about it too much. it happens, not just in blogging. sometimes, you're just not in the mood to do things that you usually love doing. it'll pass.

trust me, i've considered deleting my blog countless times before :)

LORD MANILA STONE said...

@cyberpunk

Thanks dude, you are keeping my spirits up...^^

shiera said...

The urge and the need to "hibernate" happens to all of us. I feel like that a few days each month. I feel so depressed yet I don't know what's eating me... as for blogging, there were times I thought of taking a blog break, but based on past experiences, once I stop doing something even for a short period of time, it would be very hard for me to get back to it. So even in my lowest moment, I still try to post something even if it means I only write 2 sentences, and a dozen of pictures. ^-^

Glad to have you back again....