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Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Make your hotel reservations

Christmas is more than two months from now but the season has definitely started leaving a trace of anxieties and excitement to people who believe that Jesus Christ indeed saved the mankind many, many, centuries ago.

As the celebration draws nearer, some people start planning for their Christmas Holidays. It must be an awesome way to celebrate the season without straining yourself with the expensive hotel reservations we have around. At Hotel Reservations though, it is a different story as it gives you the chance to travel to the remarkable spots we have around the globe without leaving your pockets empty.

At Hotel Reservations, they have the best hotels in the most coveted vacation spots like Australia, Italy, Asia, Germany, Greece, Belgium, France, England, Portugal, etc. Of course the vacation package wouldn't be complete without the presence of the beautiful hotels which magnify the significance of the holiday through the warmest and friendliest accommodations they have. The luxurious hotels including beach hotels do not only offer hot deals, but family fun, gambling, golf and spa. Just as with Hotel Reservations you can save up to 70% and can book online as their customer service is open 24/7. The toll free number to call is 1-800-447-4136 for USA and Canada, or if you are in Europe you can call 00-800-1276-3549. The worldwide phone number is (1) 817-333-5105.

I tried surfing other sites which offer hotel reservations and I can say that Hotel Reservations definitely has one of the best price offers. Say you want to go to Atlanta City, they have a room and breakfast package from $95.95.

There are so many other destinations and interests that lets you experience personal service and a cozy atmosphere when you stay at one of their top bed & breakfast picks. From quaint country inns to guest houses in historic cities, you'll discover the meaning of rest and relaxation at each of these lovely properties.

For sure, once I am able to afford my own vacation package, I surely know where to go.


THIS IS A SPONSORED POST

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Monday, October 22, 2007

Christmas and Nostalgia


AJ and I on Mondays usually leave for work at around 11:00 a.m and we arrive at the work place more than an hour later. Earlier this morning he told me he wouldn't go to work with me because he had to finish some stamps ordered from him the night before. (By the way AJ is good at making stamps.) Before I left though, his father came telling him the work was done.

We both took a shower (one after the other, LOL) and expeditiously set off for the highway bus. He was behind me and before, I got on the bus, I heard AJ say, "Take the seat on the left side of the bus." It was an air-conditioned bus and he thought the left side of a bus would always be cooler than the other.

Anyway, I sat on the right side and he gave me a petty nudge. Annoyed, he said, "Didn't I tell you to take the left side?" I looked at him and I raised my hand and felt the air coming out of the fan blade and told him, "It's cool here."

The short journey to work was a defeaning silence between him and me. I was dozing off on the bus and he was listening to some music on his phone. He gave me another nudge just before we arrived at the train station. He was still quiet and so was I though he was too quick to get us train tickets.

At work, I immediately turned on my pc and checked my e-mail. The dial-up connection at home last night was too slow that I decided to just play red-alert 2 (LOL). Somebody told me that it is really an old game (and so am I) to be so naive how to go about it. Since I started playing that game, I have never won any campaign. Not until I came across one of jerad's post about tesla coils and stuff . I figured the reason my warriors coming out of the barracks and the expensive war structures always get electrocuted by lightning. If my discovery is right, then next time, I should immediately disable my prism towers when a lightning storm is created as they could be the culprit why I always end up losing or sometimes aborting the game.(LOL)

Anyway, as I checked my e-mail, some good news greeted me with surprise and broke the silence between AJ and me. My post entitled, I signed up for PPP got approved. I never thought it was that easy.

I was so carried away that I swallowed my pride and called AJ to see the e-mail. We were both happy. Later, I received a text message from my sister telling me to buy her some stuffed toys for Christmas. I grinned, typed in yes, added I'd be home for Christmas, and as the message was sending, a moment of nostalgia embraced me. I looked at AJ and said, "We are going home for Christmas."

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Saturday, October 20, 2007

Uncertainty


Once upon a time, when I was a high school student, I had a dream. I was very vocally zealous to share with my friends, classmates, and to all the people I was comfortable with my bright expectations for the future. I dreamt of having my own family.

Whenever asked about my future plans, I recall myself say, "I'd get married at the age of 30 just in time after I have afforded a car, a home, sacks of diapers, and other necessary provisions for my family. I had learned then that the ideal number of kids for parents to raise was "four" and I had wanted to have "three".

Once upon a time, I was a mirror of vigour who showed passion in studying, treading the propitious journey towards the pot of gold- the realization of my dream.

But then, once upon a time, the azure sky slowly faded away as the clouds humiliated its ostentatious display of hope and the thought that it was free to to dream after all was drastically ripped off me. I progressed and moved forward looking at the horizon conjoined with the unfolding of my individuality. The bitter reality of my personality made the easily achievable farfetched. The ingrained social prejudice for people with queer sexual orientation seemed to have blurred out the actualization of my most cherished dream. I felt I was doomed for life for something I didn't want to be a part of my existence. I knew I would never get married to a woman who could bring forth my offsprings.

I am gay and whether I like it or not, it's much harder than I thought to actually have a family I can call my own. I want to have my own biological children but something in me is telling that the idea of it alone is hard to stomach. I often think of the feasibility of adopting some children but my paranoia and insecurity wouldn't let me settle for such. I know there must be other options. I am not too old to allow other possibilities in my life.

Earlier today, I was looking at my wounds again. Oh, yeah I forgot to mention that a small one has just popped out but it is manageable so far. The hardened blood seem to be slowly chipping off the wound and is gradually leaving a circular scar on my leg. I just kinda had a hard time making my way to the living room from my room on the second floor because the wound is a little swollen. I was prompted to buy myself some antibiotic capsules though I was doubtful If I had to take ‘some meds’ because I am still worried upto now whether that would be good for my recuperation from hepatitis.

AJ had to leave the house earlier and it was a very unusual day for me finding myself alone in the living room watching his nieces and nephews naively playing before my eyes.

Once AJ’s mother told him, “You have to love these kids and take care of them because they will look after you when you get old.” I thought of its implication and wondered to myself whether his mom guessed he would not settle for his own family in the future. Sometimes AJ tells me of his plans to get married and have his own family. Though it surely makes me sad and uncomfortable, I always tell him to do what is expected of him. I tell him that it is his freedom to do so and that I don’t have the right to tell him not to. If he wants to get married then so be it. I know where I stand in his life and I am totally different from a woman who can provide him with children. I know my limitations and I know that the relationship we have is temporal.

As always, I see AJ so close to his nephews and nieces and even sometimes to the point of pampering them like giving them a treat at commercialized fast food chains, buying them presents everytime he can afford to.

As for me, I don't have my own nieces and nephews yet and when the time comes I have, I am not sure if I can be loved by them as AJ's nieces and nephews love him.

For now, all I can do is to live life as it is. I certainly don't want to live a solitary life in the future. AJ, is not everything to me but he certainly makes me happy and is the alleviation of my fears and worries in life. For how long? I am uncertain.

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Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I don't think 'him' is selfish


To give you my beloved readers ease of understanding of the following post. I would like to give a name to my boyfriend this time. Let me /call him AJ.

As I got up this morning, the gloomy appearance of the sky outside my glass window, plastered a thought on my mind. It would have been ok if I exercised. It's been a while and I haven't sweat it out. It was almost ten and the sullen environment aggravated by the absence of the sunlight was inviting me to go to the rooftop of the building and start flexing my muscles.

Got the thought that the wound on my leg which is showing evidence of healing is giving me a pat to start getting back to my old lifestyle. I mean, I used to be athletic but I've been so lackadaisical these days to do the things I used to enjoy to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

While taking the stairs from the 3rd floor to the 8th floor, I couldn't help but keep thinking about the outburst of my anger last night. It got ignited when out of nowhere AJ told me he had a word war with his younger brother because of financial matters.

My initial reaction was so intense. My impulse hinted that he was insulted. Impartialled by the familiarity I have with AJ, I felt vicariously outraged. I wanted to explode like a bomb. If I were at home, I would have defended him to the hilt. How I had wished I transformed myself into a grenade and shattered that pathologically niggard, younger brother of him into pieces of stinking meat. Yeah, right then and there when he was inconsiderably and unflinchingly verbally attacking AJ at home. And he had the nerve to say that to him? Did he even know what he said to his older brother? That was clearly a blatant disrespect for AJ.

AJ’s younger brother was being reminded by their mom to share with the monthly electric consumption. This is commonplace among extended families in the Philippines where more often than not, family ties seem to be pulling the leg of every household member. He would often give his alibis and just as he was trying to concoct another excuse why he couldn’t pinch in for the payment of the electricity consumption for the month, AJ decided to stick his oar in the conversation. Then the surprise came in as he started ranting about how AJ has been unable to fully support his family these days and that he shouldn’t have the right to interfere with the monthly liabilities of the household. AJ of course was aggravated, exchanged some bitter words with him but in the end, he acquiesced in the accusations and false impression of his younger brother.

As we were chatting and he telling me what happened, I ended up blaming him for not even trying to defend himself and let his brother know of all his sacrifices. I was really maddened that seemingly he gave in to the nonsense notion of his younger brother.

I just hate his younger brother for that wilful disregard of AJ. In the first place, he owes not only me but AJ some undisclosed amount of money. Did he ever pay us? No. Everytime we remind him of his debts, he gets pissed off and he doesn't have the thought enough to know what "voluntary" means.

When his baby succumbed to convulsion and kept vomiting just two weeks ago, who dared spent money for the baby’s medications and transportation to the hospital? My boyfriend did and he didn't even ask his ungrateful brother for a payback. Did his younger brother even care to reciprocate for the good deed? Nah, not even a simple "thank you."

His younger brother with his big family (five children) occupy a portion of the house which without AJ’s hardwork and sacrifice abroad would have not been constructed. AJ worked abroad for almost ten years unmindful of his own interest to earn money to be able to build a decent home for his family. They used to live in a shanty in a squatter area and the three-storey house now where his family lives is the product of his sweat, blood, and wasted youthfulness, I suppose. If he only thought of himself at those times, he would have been living a secure and relaxed life now. But at his age, more than 30 years old, he still doesn’t have his earnings. Unlike me who feels guilty of not being able to help send my brother to college, AJ was able to help three of his siblings finish some degrees in college. AJ, had to drop out of his engineering major prior to working abroad. He was deprived of the education which he unselfishly granted his siblings. AJ is such a noble person worthy of emulation. He is an exemplar whom I sometimes draw my inspiration from.

AJ has always been good to everybody in his family and his kindness and generosity extends to his relatives. Whatever he wants to lead his life to, that shouldn't be my business anymore. But why do I feel hurt for him? I feel sad when he is sad. I just have some fear though. Sometimes the kind of compassion I have for him provides a verisimilitude of how I should feel for him.

As for his brother, he always borrows money from other people without paying them back in time. Sometimes he hides under his bed when people whom he borrowed money from start collecting his debts. He is a pathological niggard who prioritizes his luxuries in life like owning two motorcycles and an owner-type jeepney but always eludes from his monthly responsibilities.

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Monday, October 8, 2007

Reassurance


After coming out of a nightmarish dream where I saw my boyfriend bitten by a dog, I got up at around quarter past 10:00 am today. The sun was up and its rays were sending me tiny pricks through the glass window, perhaps reminding me that it was time to start the day. So I did.

First, I turned off the small electric fan at the foot of my mattress. Then, I checked the wound on my leg, rolled a little tissue paper to wipe it with just in case the pus was still there.

This wound kept me paranoid last night. I had lots of delusions when I informed my boyfriend through chat that it could be leg ulcer. I even asked him to see the grotesque pictures of leg ulcer on the net. I kept bugging him though I know he was having a good time chatting at the comfort of our room back at home. Remember, we just bought a pc and he seems to be having a lot of a good time with our hackneyed dial-up connection.

"You know, I just surfed the net and it turns out that the wound on my leg is leg ulcer." I said. "Go check this out," I added as I typed in the link in the chat window.

"That can't be leg ulcer, maybe, just some evil spirits made fun of you at the baptism because you resisted going home when I asked you to," he argued.

We kept punching in our opposing thoughts and views through messenger about the petty wound on my leg until he suggested that I should see a quack doctor. I surely gave it a thought though dismissed the fact that an evil has been invoked upon me.

We both logged off after that, said our repetitive goodbyes and prodded myself to sleep after spending some time in front of the computer monitor.

Before I plunged into unconsciousness, I had had to recharge my cellphone and that reminded me of Fred's text message earlier that same day.

Deep friendship
doesn't depend
on how many times
friends spend time together
or how happy they are...

it's the time
when you never see them
and yet keep on believing
that the friendship
will stay forever...

I haven't seen Fred in a while.
I have never played duckpin bowling in the past weeks. He has been texting me and he never got a reply. I thought I would lose him. I tried to believe he felt so bad I have taken him for granted.

It was not my intention to involve my friendship with my personal problems but I just can't help. There are times, I seem to care less when I am at the valleys of my life. Sorry is not enough for the friendship I have found in him, but he should know that his thoughts, memories, and presence are resident in my heart.

Sorry is not enough Fred...Sorry is not enough...

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Could this be leg ulcer?


Another wound, and it's not just a wound but a disgusting one has been keeping me worried for the past two weeks. I don't even know how it started but I'm freaking scared that it could develop into something more serious.

Two weeks ago, I had to attend a baptism in the neighborhood. The reception was so lavish and extravagant that I overindulged in lobster, fried chicken, roast pig, crispy pata, fried pork and beef guts, etc. I was so worried of the cholesterol intake considering I haven't fully recovered from my hepatitis but I just couldn't control myself. After stuffing myself with those delicacies, I went to the extent of pickling myself with more than ten bottles of extra strong beer.

I went home drunk and tipsy. Some good-hearted neighbors took the time to really send me home. I knew what happened right before I entered the door to the house but I was such a discombobulated inebriate that I didn't know how I got to my room.

The next day, my boyfriend had to remind me of my demented behaviour the night before.

"If you had gone home with me earlier and not insisted on staying there longer, you would have not been that drunk." He introduced. He started acting like my dad again.

"Come on, it's late, get out of bed and we have to go to work." He added.

I just got a hangover and he had a hard time pulling me out of bed. I stayed speechless as I was trying to avoid a heated argument with him early in the morning.

Then I went, "Oh by the way, how did I get here? Who changed my clothes?" I asked.

After a while, I just realized how I had interrupted my boyfriend's sleep last night. He told me he had had a hard time undressing me since my body was so uncooperative.

When I got up, I felt some twinge in my left leg. I bent over and saw a small wound on my leg, just below my knee. It looked like a wound which came out of a cigarette burn. It was circular and it was the diameter of a cigarette.

"How did I get this?" I queried. "I have no idea, I don't know what you did right after I left," he replied with a slight poke of his finger on my forehead. (He often does that when he tends to remind me of my wrongdoings and I take no offense to it.)

It has been more than two weeks and the wound still looks fresh. Last Friday, my boyfriend bought a small bottle of betadine so I could start cleansing the wound. Yesterday, we bought two tablets of penicillin, we pulverized one of them and applied on the wound. No matter how sickening the look was, my boyfriend bravely applied them himself. Could this be leg ulcer?

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Wednesday, October 3, 2007

The Spark Just Died


Sports, smoking, drinking, gambling, then blogging and "PLOK"! It just died. Does this have something to do with my being obsessive-compulsive type of person? Who knows? I never actually consulted a psychiatrist to really understand more about my personality. I know this kind of a disease in my system exists but never thought it would fall under the category. I just made the conclusion myself that indeed I am an obsessive-compulsive kind of person because of the shifting and cycling interests I have.

It's been a while and I'm sorry for being out of the circulation, I mean for having not posted. I would have given up then but got some encouragement from friends. I was in a hiatus. Now, I am back with fear of being enmeshed into that ningas-cogon mentality again.

Perhaps my eagerness to improve my writing craft If you allow me to call it keeps me pushing to write. Blogging is a good outlet for the downpour of emotions verbally and physically unexpressed. As of writing, I want to explode and ruin the plethora of guilt, pain, frustrations, and failures I always keep to myself.

I want to get over the vigorous impetuousity of the words I have relinquised to hurt my boyfriend. We were chatting last night and he just went offline. It was a sleepless night for me and I guessed the same thing with him.

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