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Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I don't think 'him' is selfish

To give you my beloved readers ease of understanding of the following post. I would like to give a name to my boyfriend this time. Let me /call him AJ.

As I got up this morning, the gloomy appearance of the sky outside my glass window, plastered a thought on my mind. It would have been ok if I exercised. It's been a while and I haven't sweat it out. It was almost ten and the sullen environment aggravated by the absence of the sunlight was inviting me to go to the rooftop of the building and start flexing my muscles.

Got the thought that the wound on my leg which is showing evidence of healing is giving me a pat to start getting back to my old lifestyle. I mean, I used to be athletic but I've been so lackadaisical these days to do the things I used to enjoy to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

While taking the stairs from the 3rd floor to the 8th floor, I couldn't help but keep thinking about the outburst of my anger last night. It got ignited when out of nowhere AJ told me he had a word war with his younger brother because of financial matters.

My initial reaction was so intense. My impulse hinted that he was insulted. Impartialled by the familiarity I have with AJ, I felt vicariously outraged. I wanted to explode like a bomb. If I were at home, I would have defended him to the hilt. How I had wished I transformed myself into a grenade and shattered that pathologically niggard, younger brother of him into pieces of stinking meat. Yeah, right then and there when he was inconsiderably and unflinchingly verbally attacking AJ at home. And he had the nerve to say that to him? Did he even know what he said to his older brother? That was clearly a blatant disrespect for AJ.

AJ’s younger brother was being reminded by their mom to share with the monthly electric consumption. This is commonplace among extended families in the Philippines where more often than not, family ties seem to be pulling the leg of every household member. He would often give his alibis and just as he was trying to concoct another excuse why he couldn’t pinch in for the payment of the electricity consumption for the month, AJ decided to stick his oar in the conversation. Then the surprise came in as he started ranting about how AJ has been unable to fully support his family these days and that he shouldn’t have the right to interfere with the monthly liabilities of the household. AJ of course was aggravated, exchanged some bitter words with him but in the end, he acquiesced in the accusations and false impression of his younger brother.

As we were chatting and he telling me what happened, I ended up blaming him for not even trying to defend himself and let his brother know of all his sacrifices. I was really maddened that seemingly he gave in to the nonsense notion of his younger brother.

I just hate his younger brother for that wilful disregard of AJ. In the first place, he owes not only me but AJ some undisclosed amount of money. Did he ever pay us? No. Everytime we remind him of his debts, he gets pissed off and he doesn't have the thought enough to know what "voluntary" means.

When his baby succumbed to convulsion and kept vomiting just two weeks ago, who dared spent money for the baby’s medications and transportation to the hospital? My boyfriend did and he didn't even ask his ungrateful brother for a payback. Did his younger brother even care to reciprocate for the good deed? Nah, not even a simple "thank you."

His younger brother with his big family (five children) occupy a portion of the house which without AJ’s hardwork and sacrifice abroad would have not been constructed. AJ worked abroad for almost ten years unmindful of his own interest to earn money to be able to build a decent home for his family. They used to live in a shanty in a squatter area and the three-storey house now where his family lives is the product of his sweat, blood, and wasted youthfulness, I suppose. If he only thought of himself at those times, he would have been living a secure and relaxed life now. But at his age, more than 30 years old, he still doesn’t have his earnings. Unlike me who feels guilty of not being able to help send my brother to college, AJ was able to help three of his siblings finish some degrees in college. AJ, had to drop out of his engineering major prior to working abroad. He was deprived of the education which he unselfishly granted his siblings. AJ is such a noble person worthy of emulation. He is an exemplar whom I sometimes draw my inspiration from.

AJ has always been good to everybody in his family and his kindness and generosity extends to his relatives. Whatever he wants to lead his life to, that shouldn't be my business anymore. But why do I feel hurt for him? I feel sad when he is sad. I just have some fear though. Sometimes the kind of compassion I have for him provides a verisimilitude of how I should feel for him.

As for his brother, he always borrows money from other people without paying them back in time. Sometimes he hides under his bed when people whom he borrowed money from start collecting his debts. He is a pathological niggard who prioritizes his luxuries in life like owning two motorcycles and an owner-type jeepney but always eludes from his monthly responsibilities.

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MONACO said...

sounds like AJ is a very nice guy.

friction among family members is all too common in pinoy families. i guess this is one disadvantageous aspect of having an extended family like most of us.

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