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Thursday, November 15, 2007

I ruined his future


It's been raining the whole day. It was rather cold and AJ and I snuggled in the cab waiting for passengers as we exited the building where the Korean Agency is. That's where my boss wires the money to pay our teachers' services in this company. As the cab motioned, a faint perturbance grew in me seeing how the driver looked. He didn't seem trustworthy. He was a dumpy man in his forty's and his face didn't show any sight of amiability. He looked stern and cold.

"One of those haughty drivers who skillfully prey on uncomplaining passengers by rerouting and speeding up the tick of the meter." I thought. Had it not been raining, I would have told AJ to take another cab. Once inside, the driver mumbled something in disgust knowing we had to take the jam-packed road en route to the office. He had no choice.

Upon our return to the office, AJ helped me sort out the teacher's individual pay by sealing them in small brown envelopes. He had to leave right away to deposit some cash to Christian's bank account. (He is my driver brother.) It's Byron's birthday next week, my youngest brother and it's been a while we haven't talked, not even texted.

I thought it befitting to send him some cash for his birthday. I know he had been bugging me a year ago about buying him an MP3 player but at his age, I just realized that he could buy what he wants with the petty cash.

I don't like to surmise it as a bribe for the broken promise I made him. He has been bumming around at home though I know how eager he is to go to school. It has been two years since the promise, If I only had supported him to the hilt, he would have been a second year student by now. Will he accept my gift? I feel heavy for having deprived him of going to school with his closest friends. That's what he wanted, enrolling in a college with his contemporaries. Now, he is left behind and all I think in regrets is how I have been as a brother to him. I feel that I ruined his future. His chance to have made his future brighter was dimmed by my mistake in the past. I had gambled his tuition fee and the sharp twinge of conscience continues to haunt me.

I'd better have some beers to get over this, for the meantime.

9 comments:

Malditang Pinay! said...

i don't know what with us filipinos, me too i worked so hard to send my brother to a nursing school. he graduated and passed the board there goes my piggy bank i wonder if i'l ever collect my money back hehehehe

monaco said...

we all have some guilt gnawing at us somehow. i'm sure your brother will understand and i'm sure you will make it up to him in some other way.

awannabe said...

All you can do is give him the money and ask for forgiveness. If he is unwilling to forgive you, then that is not your fault. You did all you could.

*Sparky* said...

Mistakes of the past are the ghosts of the present, that's for sure. When we make mistakes that have huge consequences for ourselves, they're easier to forgive - but when we make a mistake we feel interfered with the well being of another, it's harder to "forgive and forget" the errors of our ways.

It's taken me years to learn to cope with some of the mistakes I made that altered the life course of others... and some of those wounds still aren't healed.

But since I can't go back and un-do the past, all I can do is tighten the reigns on today and try my best not to create any new ghosts to haunt my tomorrows.

What will be will be...

*Sparky*

*Sparky* said...

P.S. - I've taken the liberty of adding your link to the "Worth the Read" section on my blog page... because it is. I hope you don't mind.

*Sparky*

LORD MANILA STONE said...

@malditang pinay

i think i just love my family, my brother but sometimes I just don't have all the means to prove that...

@monaco

Thanks for the words Mon. I feel a little better now. I just hope my brother still has his enthusiasm about going to college. He is getting older.

@awannabe

sometimes, i think of that point too, i hope he accepts it...

@sparky

thank you so much for including my link on your nice blog site, it is an honor, yours too is worth reading^^

black_mamba said...

i can totally relate on so many levels haha.....

thanks for the comment. you were probably wondering why i was so affected, and why i referred to my ex as 'it'. i'd be lying if i said he. i'd be vulgar if i said she. oops, i've said too much haha...... itikom ang labi haha. kaya naiintindihan kita sobra haha :)

LORD MANILA STONE said...

hahaha, ivy, my lips are sealed, sometimes, hehehe, joke lang, hindi ko ata nanotice yun, hehehe, go nga ako at double check, thanks a lot too^^

JeanGrey said...

awww... past is past... forgive yourself now and move on.. what's most important is you're doing all the best that you can for your brother...

kainggitz naman ang may mga kapatid... how I wish I can have one...