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Sunday, November 18, 2007

Looking Beyond The Horizon

My childish impulse made me believe I wanted to be an engineer. In my adolescence though, one simple yet inevitable revelation changed all that-the revelation of my sexuality. This irreversible revelation was harder to chew than some smoked horse meat. I had to swallow it then, accept it as a part of my wholeness.

"I haven't heard of any gay engineers," I heard myself say in highschool. It was a quick decision. I just realized I had to bury that dream of mine even if there were attempts of evasion, believing I wasn't created as one of those abhorred and despised by many people. I didn't want to give up that dream I have since envisioned but the inflamed passion for writing I just discovered of myself handed the verdict I had to be served in weaving my future.

Prohibiting myself to succumb to the notoriety stigmatized by homosexuality, I had to believe in a while that I was made a man and the femininity in me wasn't indelible. But I was mistaken, the more I tried to elude the reality of my nature, the more pain I had to go through all my life. But to top it all, I wanted to prove something that would ameliorate the ingrained, grotesque picture associated with homosexuality. Though my primary dream was a meek witness of my evolving sexuality, a witness stifled in oblivion, I grinned with optimism to ready myself for a detour.

I took up Mass Communications in college. Primordially, the course took me to a smooth sailing ship in a serene sea, mirroring the azure skies that lit my earnest dream. I was determined to be a journalist. Until one day, the swells of the sea disembarked me from my journey. Until one day, despite of trying so hard, the course I was taking turned rutted. I dropped out of school, derailed by lack of funds at a spitting distance from the terminus. I never graduated.


Bill Bilig said...

Hi there, thanks for visiting my blog :-) I added you to my blogroll. You can still graduate pa naman. But then again my favorite columnist, Conrad de Quiros, didn't graduate in college so sometimes a degree is not that necessary :-)

awannabe said...

How did you become an ESL then? And why did you choose that path?

You use a lot of big words when you write... Do you read much? I always thought that I had to use big words to prove I was really a writer. It never came naturally to me though.

In English classes during college I had a lot of trouble getting through the texts, always keeping a dictionary handy for those BIG words.

When you become an ESL instructor, do you have to know a foreign language?


hi bill, i am honored that you came by and thanks for adding me to the igorot bloggers blogroll, i am so thankful, i am also planning to include lists of igorot bloggers here on my site^^



i actually don't read that much, but i just started reading some books recently, as a teacher, i feel i have some passion for learning lots of words and since i really want to improve my writing skills i try to squeeze the best i could to use some expressions i learn in my writing, i learn and the fulfillment is awesome, when you are an esl teacher, learning a foreign language isn't a must but it is an advantage, in my case, i can speak a little Korean

♥ KaThYcOt ♥ said...

hello! favor me win this award thanks!!

ngapala...i got tags and award for you!

♥ KaThYcOt ♥ said...

hi friend! thanks for the vote ah.. yeh, actually you can vote for me daily until saturday!teehee! kapal ko noh?! anyways.. can i get your real name na ba? we'ved been friends na here sa blogworld but i havent got ur name nor see a picture of you.. hay... maybe we can chat and spend time chika ever! :D

Cyberpunk said...

if not being able to graduate bugs you, then perhaps you should go back to seem to be doing ok already, so getting your diploma is more of a personal thing rather than a requirement to get a job...

the new year's coming. take the time out to decide :D

MONACO said...

I personally do not believe that a piece of paper, like a diploma, should be a requirement for success in life. but that is contrary to what present-day society distates. if you think continuing your course and eventually getting that diploma is that important, then by all means go for it. good luck.