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Sunday, November 18, 2007

Looking Beyond The Horizon


My childish impulse made me believe I wanted to be an engineer. In my adolescence though, one simple yet inevitable revelation changed all that-the revelation of my sexuality. This irreversible revelation was harder to chew than some smoked horse meat. I had to swallow it then, accept it as a part of my wholeness.

"I haven't heard of any gay engineers," I heard myself say in highschool. It was a quick decision. I just realized I had to bury that dream of mine even if there were attempts of evasion, believing I wasn't created as one of those abhorred and despised by many people. I didn't want to give up that dream I have since envisioned but the inflamed passion for writing I just discovered of myself handed the verdict I had to be served in weaving my future.

Prohibiting myself to succumb to the notoriety stigmatized by homosexuality, I had to believe in a while that I was made a man and the femininity in me wasn't indelible. But I was mistaken, the more I tried to elude the reality of my nature, the more pain I had to go through all my life. But to top it all, I wanted to prove something that would ameliorate the ingrained, grotesque picture associated with homosexuality. Though my primary dream was a meek witness of my evolving sexuality, a witness stifled in oblivion, I grinned with optimism to ready myself for a detour.

I took up Mass Communications in college. Primordially, the course took me to a smooth sailing ship in a serene sea, mirroring the azure skies that lit my earnest dream. I was determined to be a journalist. Until one day, the swells of the sea disembarked me from my journey. Until one day, despite of trying so hard, the course I was taking turned rutted. I dropped out of school, derailed by lack of funds at a spitting distance from the terminus. I never graduated.

8 comments:

Bill Bilig said...

Hi there, thanks for visiting my blog :-) I added you to my blogroll. You can still graduate pa naman. But then again my favorite columnist, Conrad de Quiros, didn't graduate in college so sometimes a degree is not that necessary :-)

awannabe said...

How did you become an ESL then? And why did you choose that path?

You use a lot of big words when you write... Do you read much? I always thought that I had to use big words to prove I was really a writer. It never came naturally to me though.

In English classes during college I had a lot of trouble getting through the texts, always keeping a dictionary handy for those BIG words.

When you become an ESL instructor, do you have to know a foreign language?

LORD MANILA STONE said...

hi bill, i am honored that you came by and thanks for adding me to the igorot bloggers blogroll, i am so thankful, i am also planning to include lists of igorot bloggers here on my site^^

LORD MANILA STONE said...

awannabe

i actually don't read that much, but i just started reading some books recently, as a teacher, i feel i have some passion for learning lots of words and since i really want to improve my writing skills i try to squeeze the best i could to use some expressions i learn in my writing, i learn and the fulfillment is awesome, when you are an esl teacher, learning a foreign language isn't a must but it is an advantage, in my case, i can speak a little Korean

♥ KaThYcOt ♥ said...

hello! favor naman..help me win this award http://salaswildthoughts.blogspot.com/ thanks!!

ngapala...i got tags and award for you!

♥ KaThYcOt ♥ said...

hi friend! thanks for the vote ah.. yeh, actually you can vote for me daily until saturday!teehee! kapal ko noh?! anyways.. can i get your real name na ba? we'ved been friends na here sa blogworld but i havent got ur name nor see a picture of you.. hay... maybe we can chat and spend time chika ever! :D

Cyberpunk said...

if not being able to graduate bugs you, then perhaps you should go back to school...you seem to be doing ok already, so getting your diploma is more of a personal thing rather than a requirement to get a job...

the new year's coming. take the time out to decide :D

MONACO said...

I personally do not believe that a piece of paper, like a diploma, should be a requirement for success in life. but that is contrary to what present-day society distates. if you think continuing your course and eventually getting that diploma is that important, then by all means go for it. good luck.