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Friday, November 16, 2007

Missing Something

I finally let loose last night.

I had the intention to take a leisurely walk but it turned out the other way. It was tinged with horror. It was past midnight and I felt the urge to back out. The visibility of my fear made it self manifest in my walk. It was a moonless sky but the vicinity was bright perhaps because of the coruscating neon signs and the beaming lights from the high-rise buildings.

I kept turning my head, looking high and low but all I could see were a few vehicles speeding up for the trip on their way home. I couldn't see any figure on the road except the thought that I walked past the habitually sleeping guard at the basement before my exit of the building.

The walk saw me yearning for something, something I had done in the past which I wish I had ejected entirely off me. Still something in me wanted to burst out at that moment, to break the silenced worldly passion in my entity. To push the limit I have imposed to myself, stifle my restriction. I knew I didn't like to do it but my personality spoke to my other side. There was something I wanted to do. But the time was forbidding. It took an unbiased interruption of my craving as there were no victims the animalistic nature in me could prey on.

Accompanied by three bottles of extra strong beer, a cup of coffee, some smoked horse meat, and the noise in that joint along the main road, I took the pleasure to treat myself after a hard day's work. It was payday and that was strange of me. I would rather go home and have some rest. The ambiance was made much stranger without the presence of AJ, the thoughts of him was my company. "You are alone, where's your friend?" The lady server asked.

It was different without AJ's voice animatedly singing his favorite oldies and his temporal rejuvenation singing today's songs. True, it was a night of a slice of freedom but it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.

I came back to the office satisfied with the temporary happiness a small beer could give but my soul was empty.


Parisukat said...

when everything and everyone is nowhere around and we find ourselves longing for them. Someone volunteers to be your best friend and company for the moment...and her name is lady emptiness.

awannabe said...

I hate lady emptiness. I don't much like beer either...

I've found I get this scratch feeling inside my chest when I am alone too much (sigh).

morinn said...

I'm scared of loneliness, that's one of the worst feelings there is! :(

monaco said...

beer, one of my frequent companions on lonely nights. as they say, iba ang may pinagsamahan! seriously, loneliness is one road we can always do without.

by the way, I have something for you in my blog.

JeanGrey said...

Lucky AJ... kung pwede nga lang na laging magkasama...

At times like this... my greatest companion is Ms. Reminisce

All I can do is look at her picture and think about all the good times na magkasama pa kami... and that makes me happy :)